My excuse for neglecting all that I am responsible for. I'm blaming my big fat ingrown toenail. I know it sounds like such a little thing to you. But when it happened to me and my big fat toe was pounding and hurting, I thought, hmm, a little like bad labor.
When it first started hurting I kind of soaked it here and there, and just limited my wearing of hard shoes unless absolutely necessary, which I kind of do all the time anyway. I was probably born in a barn too. But then one day after abusing said toe, it started hurting bad enough that I knew a remedy was soon in order.
So I did what I always do when I have a question. I searched the web. There I found a list of standard home treatments. Half the people said, soak your toe, dig out your toenail and stuff crap underneath of it. The other half said especially don't do anything I just mentioned. Then if that didn't work go to the doctor.
So I searched for information on what doctors did to you. They cut off the side of the toenail a few times. Then when that doesn't work they rip off the whole thing. Then when that doesn't work they rip off the whole thing and treat it with napalm or some such shit so that it NEVER GROWS BACK AGAIN. After all this lovely information and the joy of looking at pictures that make Freddy look benign, I decided to take matters into my own hands. If all else failed I vowed to see the doctor.
So.
My house became a toe hospital.
In the bathroom I had witch hazel, cotton, soaking solutions, a tub, and a variety of surgical implements (metal files). By the couch, I had vitamins and ibuprofen. I arranged things so that I did not have to walk very far to accomplish my TASKS.
And you know what? I was lucky, so far it has worked.
What worked for me was:
1. keeping off my feet as much as possible
2. absolutely no shoe wearing, only loose sandals and socks, or just socks.
3. If my toe didnt hurt too bad, I pried up part of the nail, after soaking my feet, and gently pushed a small twisted wad of witch hazel soaked cotton underneath of it. Three of four times a day is a really good idea. Sometimes I used a goldenseal tincture. I bet an essiac tinture would have been good as well.
4. Soaking my feet at least 4 times a day. Though less was better than nothing, soaking them more kept Mr. Fat Toe healing faster.
5. Just in case, I ordered this strange thing on the web. It's a rectangular piece of something technical that you glue to the top of your toenail. It has a memory, that makes it want to flatten back out, so it pulls the sides of your toenails up slightly. They say you get immediate relief and 80% of people were cured. Whatever. I didn't have to use it so I don't know.
6. Oh yeah. I also put a bandage on my toe, only on the underside, as if I had cut the bottom of my toe. You apply it right up to, but not on, the edge of your toenail, and wrap it around the back, and slightly pointing towards your heel. My bandage was pretty big so I wrapped it clear around the other side of my toe, and stuck it on the top of my foot. I realized, that you could pull it tight enough to jam the OTHER side of your toenail into your toe. Potentially causing an ingrown toenail problem on both sides of your poor sad hurting little toe. So don't do that.
7. By the way, and I know this will come as a surprise to all of you, but, I am NOT a doctor.
